What do most people get embarrassed by in sex? Here are the most common sexual mishaps that bother people. And yet many find them not embarrassing at all. You decide which are your sexual demons…
Research into what distracts us, tells us that women are more worried about issues concerning their appearance (what they look like, smell like, etc), while men tend to be more worried about their performance (erection, ejaculation timing, making a lover orgasm).
Whichever moments you find problematic, it is those moments that can plague our mind with worry and distracting thoughts. And it is those distractions and cringy feelings that are associated with lower sexual esteem, less sexual satisfaction, less consistent orgasms, and higher incidence of pretending orgasm. (Dove et al., 2000)
So, what were the things that people listed as most worrisome?
Common sexual mishaps for everyone
- Peeing a little: A common occurrence that can happen to both men and women. This usually happens if the bladder is too full around orgasm, but please note this is not the same a female ejaculation.
- Anal realities: Anal sex in porn looks easy. We don’t see the long preparation (with enemas) and gradually increasing anal plugs. The performers do these things behind the scenes, we just don’t see it. So many people have the idea that anal sex doesn’t require ‘realities’ of relaxing the anal sphincter and voiding the bowels. The following is a comment I hear far too often from a young woman who would like anal play, but was now concerned about it: “I have always loved anal stimulation, but one time I had an experience where we were playing with a finger and my partner suddenly stopped after shuddering (vocally) and running away to wash his finger. Ever since I am have been consumed with a lover finding anything remotely close to that. Now, I just can’t relax and enjoy any anal touching anymore, even after an enema. Sad.“
- Being discovered (by a parent is usually the worst)
- Real farts: Our bodies are constantly passing gas, so it makes sense that “farting” is very common in an active activity where things are going inside the body.
- Verbal gaffs: Calling someone by the wrong name, using the “wrong” (for the moment) dirty talk, or accidentally using love talk can jolt us right out of our erotic brain.
Most common sexual mishaps reported by women
- Pussy Farts (aka queefing): Air escaping the vagina (usually after being pushed in by the penis) can make a sound that is difficult to distinguish from an intestinal fart. But there is one big difference and that is there will be no smell with a pussy fart. It is simply air that got into the vagina that needs to come out. But most women feel like a need to explain this difference.
- Unexpected bleeding (or a forgotten tampon): Spontaneous bleeding can happen for many different reasons.
- Vomiting a little with oral sex: If you thrust something down your throat you will gag. This is a gag reflex, your body’s natural response.
Most common sexual mishaps reported by men
- Waning erections
- Coming too quickly
- Peeing a little
Embarrassing Sex Research
Badgirlsbible.com did a survey of 1012 people and this is what they listed as their most common porn worries (natural bodily functions):
- 93 % Defecating
- 85% Vomiting
- 71% Urinating
- 61% Burping (in partner’s mouth)
- 45% Farting
- 24% Queefing
The most common verbal mistakes are: 32% of people have said something embarrassing during sex.
- 34% have used the wrong name (to address their lover)
- 20% failed dirty talk
- 7% accidental love talk
Where does the embarrassment come from?
Most of the embarrassment comes from our expectations of what we think we “should” do in sex. And that sexual expectation is often formed from unrealistic sex that we see in the media, either in movies and series or porn that portrays sex without the sexual mishaps that are so common in real life. Find our resources of real-sex porn here.
What happens to you when something goes ‘wrong’ in sex?
Tell us your experience of sexual mishaps in your life. We want to find out why certain things are more bothersome for some, but not others. Contribute to positive sexuality research here.
More resources on common worries or distractions in sex:
L. Dove, Michael W. Wiederman, N. (2000). Cognitive distraction and women’s sexual functioning. Journal of Sex &Marital Therapy, 26(1), 67-78.
Purdon, C., & Holdaway, L. (2006). Non-erotic thoughts: Content and relation to sexual functioning and sexual satisfaction. Journal of Sex Research, 43(2), 154-162.
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