How to turn-on your partner, with the five sexual initiation styles.

While we all may appreciate different ways to start sex, most of us get turned on by a 1 or 2 styles more than others.  Knowing your partner’s preferred style is a sure-fire way to get to more sexual satisfaction.  Here are some tips to understand and turn-on the different styles.

1.Tips to turn-on the Seduction Style:

This style is about the “game of desire.” Passionate teasing, that probably started earlier in the day.  It is the dance of desirous interact that gets this type going.

  • Show them signs that you are aroused by them. Pose for them, show off your hot body and let them know how much you desire them.
  • Kiss them passionately (deeply and with desire).
  • Appreciate your lovers ‘sexiness’ in whatever they are wearing or not wearing.
  • Undress for them.
  • Be lighthearted and playful.

Turn-offs for Passionate Style: Hesitation is erotic death for this style. Do everything with urgency and confidence (even if you have to fake it for the role).

2. Tips to turn-on the Touch Style:

This style is all about “touch” — sensual touches, caressing touch, passionate touches and yes, genital touches. If you want to reach this style, you have to touch them. There is no particular type of touch, that all types of touch will get this type going — rubbing against them, stroking and caressing. They love the soft whispery caresses on the non-sexual parts as well as the deep sensual touch that comes with massage, as well as the rubbing of the genitals.

Move up to more sexual touch, like rubbing their genitals, but not too quickly. START SLOW with this type. They can go further than most types, but you have to start slow.

Quick Turn-on Tips:

  • Touch them, start with a caress.
  • Focus on the neck and ears to start.
  • Gently kiss your sensualist, with the focus on two lips touching and exploring each other.
  • Focus on their back or butt.
  • Move gradually to sexual touch.
  • Give them a massage (using all sorts of types of touch).

Turn-offs:  One sure-fire way to turn-off this type is to be too rough or aggressive too quickly.

3. Tips to turn-on the Emotional-Connection Style:

The Emo-Connection style likes the sweet gestures and connecting conversation we often find in the beginning of relationships. Their sexual parts come alive with sharing and connecting emotionally.

Put away your phone and put your attention 100% on the Emo-Connection style. Knowing they are at the center of your attention helps them to get into a lusty mood.

Don’t forget to wrap your arms around this type with lots of hugs and affection too. Affection is the physical form of love and that will help connect the two.

If you are uncertain at how to begin, the first act for the Emo-connection style is  genuine interest in what they have to say and to know that they hold a special and important place in your life and heart. While that might not seem to be terribly sexual to the other types, this is a perfect beginning point for the Emo-Connection style.

  • A non-sexual, caring action (do a task they have asked of you in the past)
  • A declaration of love or affection.
  • A romantic gesture (think traditional Valentine’s Day gestures).
  • Make meaningful eye-contact with them.
  • Focused attention on them (such as holding their face in your hands and intently listening or telling them something).
  • An unsolicited hug or caress

4. Tips to turn-on the Sex-Talk Style:

Seduction and teasing with dirty talk throughout the day is one way this type knows how much you desire them and what you want to do to them.

  • Talk dirty to them.
  • Tell them how much you desire them or find them sexy.
  • Be direct – don’t beat around the bush with them. Say it how it is.
  • Use words to tease or seduce them.
  • Avoid springing sex on them without words.

5. Tips to turn-on the Power-Play Style:

The Power-Play style enjoys focused attention on them. Putting down your phone and focusing all your attention on your lover will let them know you mean erotic business and they will respond in kind.

The last thing this style wants is to do is be asked what they want in the heat of the moment. Their sexual energy is about “being told” not “asked.”

Know your partner’s power style. Are they the aggressor or the aggress-ee?

  • Negotiate boundaries — before you initiate. If you want to play with power, you need to do it in a way that feels good (is consensual) to both people. Determine before what is a turn-on and what is not (or off the table). Once these are in place both people can feel more free to let go into their chosen role.
    • Never cross a boundary.
    • Use safe words.
  • Let them see and hear how much you desire them.
  • Grab them with confidence.
  • Focus all your attention on their cues.
  • Have fun with the more powerful role. They will revel in that energy and confidence.
  • Use the appearance of confidence (even if you have to fake it) in your style.
  • Firmly, but gently push them against a wall (or bed).  Let them feel your urgency.


Don’t know your Initiation Style? Or your lover’s Initiation Style?

 Find out with the SISA quiz