How does body image affect sexuality?

Do you change your position during sex in order to “look” better to your partner? Are you having trouble reaching orgasm, or getting aroused?  You may be “spectatoring”, the act of monitoring yourself during the sexual act, instead of being in the sensations of it. Take the test.

Here are some of the ways that body image affects sexuality:

  1. Arousal Interruptus (lower sexual arousal): 
    Every minute you are thinking (worrying) about whether your body is sexy enough or is measuring up to standard, it is one less minute you are able to focus on your erotic energy.  This means your sexual arousal will be interrupted and likely to decrease.
  2. Eroding of pleasure:
    You may not think your body is perfect, but your partner may think it is fine (thank you very much!).  In other words you may be robbing yourself of an important moment of pleasure or connection with your partner.

If you know that you are body spectoring, but have no idea where to start to address is, here are some tips to help. How you feel about your body is unlikely to change overnight.  You have had your life to establish a pattern of body judgements.

Tips on how to feel sexy and not worry about how your body looks during sex:

  1. Realizing your struggle is unwinnable. We live in a culture that ‘reveres beauty’, but ‘abhors vanity.’  This creates an impossible struggle.  We will never reach a level of satisfaction with our bodies.  Rather than waiting to attain the ‘perfect’ body in order to feel comfortable having good sex, the greater payoff is to focus on what is attainable, unlimited pleasure.
  2. Awareness. Spectator your spectatoring. Pay attention to when you are judging yourself most. The goal is to find out what you are worrying about the most. Are you afraid of judgement from your partner? Is this fear real or imagined? Ask them.
  3. Remember you are not alone.
    More than 80% of all women worry are dissatisfied with their appearance. Even the ones you think have great bodies. Keep your worries in perspective.
  4. Stinkin’Thinkin’. Are you subconsciously beating yourself up about your fat thighs or sagging breasts? If you are, you are not alone. Most people do it. Become aware of all of the times you judge yourself and address the misconceptions you may have around how your body should look.
  5. Address relationship issues. Do you spectator with your current partner more so than others? What is different in the two relationships? Couple’s therapy may help here.
  6. Pay attention to what gives you the most pleasure, or drives the most arousal. If you are thinking about what arouses you, it is difficult to worry about your body.  Stay focused on your turn-ons.
  7. Feel what your body ‘feels’ like, instead of what it ‘looks’ like. Feel the body sensations — every tingle, every touch, every sexy thought. Researchers have found that thoughts that contain emotion (hot attention) is much better at keeping your focus than thoughts that are not as personal or emotional (cool attention).
  8. Tell your partner how great they look.
    Positivity is contagious.Remember sex is supposed to be fun.  It is not meant to be a beauty pageant.  Enjoy the body you have and dig deep into your own arousal.
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