Pay Attention to Your Genitals, Ladies!
— Clitoris,Vulva and Vagina
Women are not as in touch with their genitals as men are. As a result sex can seem more ‘removed’ for women. Why? Simple anatomy tells us why women end up paying less attention to their genitals than men. The clitoris (the analogous orgasm to the head of the penis) is simply harder to see, even when you are looking for it, than is the penis.
The Clitoris is small and discreet, tucked within the clitoral hood and labial folds. While the penis bursts onto the scene when aroused, sometimes in the most awkward of moments, the clitoris retracts behind its hood.
Even though the clitoris is the primary source of a woman’s sexual pleasure, it is so small to be handled as easily as a penis is either. Even the rest of the vulva, which is significantly larger is so awkwardly positioned between the legs that is not all that easy to see clearly without a mirror. The vulva is at an awkward angle from the eyes, and any action for the owner to get a good look at it needs to be intentional. It is a rare woman who ‘stumbles’ across a vision of her own vulva without the desire (and gaul) to do so.
Imagine an alternative universe where a woman’s clitoris had evolved to be as large and noticeable as a penis. This bulky organ would adjust in size and shape depending to how aroused she was. It would need to be adjusted when sitting and would need to be held on a daily basis – for example, when peeing. A woman in this alternative-universe would see and handle her organ so often she would see and feel how it worked on a daily basis. She would get strong and vibrant visual cues of her own arousal it would make sense that she would be more in touch with her genitals and arousal.
Sadly, in this universe, women are taught to do the opposite. It is a lucky girl who has a mother that will encourage her future-woman to whip out a mirror and examine her vulva to find out where all of that pleasure and comfort is coming from. Girls are taught instead NOT to look, touch or play with their genitals from the day their hand is able to contort itself into that awkward position to touch it. Many are given the opposite message of the pleasure and instead are taught to avert their eyes and fear “down there”.
Why is it so important that women pay attention to their genitals?
Women don’t pay as much attention to their genitals as men do. Men’s lime-light-loving genitals give the men an important feedback loop that women don’t get from their ‘hidden’ genitalia. When a man gets an erection, most sexually-functional men will associate the erection with arousal, pleasure and orgasm. His eyes see the erection, and send a message to the conscious part of his brain to let him know he is aroused. Even if he can’t ‘see’ the erection, he can often get tactile feedback from his penis as it touches or presses against his clothing. To prove this researchers recruited eight males aged 20 – 44. After strapping an erection cuff onto their penis’, the blood level in the penis was monitored while the men were ‘instructed’ to focus on their erection. Most research up to this point had suggested that this type of instruction would be interpreted as a form of stress (psychological pressure) and some men might experience performance anxiety leading to a decrease in arousal. What they found was surprising. As expected for the men that were not particularly aroused, focusing on their erections did not help them get erections. The opposite was true when the men were interested and aroused by what they were focused on. If they were aroused, the more they focused on the arousal, the more aroused they got.
In most cases women don’t have the same visual or tactile cues to alert their brains that they are, in fact, aroused. A mind/body disconnect forms when her body is aroused but her brain does not perceive the arousal (see it, feel it). A woman will miss the positive feedback loop that encourages more arousal.
When women were asked to pay attention to their body’s reaction as they watched an erotic film, researchers found that their subjective experiences and physical responses started matching up. In other words, women who showed increased genital arousal (vaginal blood flow, increased lubrication) were more likely to report they were aroused when told to pay attention than those who were not given any instruction.
Is it that easy? Sure.
How knowing your genitals can work for you? Here are a few hints.
- Find something highly erotic that you can’t help but keep you focused.
- Practice recognizing when you are losing focus in non-sexual situations during your day.
- Know you can deliberately change your focus and behavior.
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