Doing Sexual Initiation Well
You may inadvertently be turning your partner off with an initiation strategy that doesn’t work for them.
If you want more sex but don’t know the best way to approach your partner for sex, here are the top sexual initiation tips to know how to initiate sex with your individual partner.
Your initiation style worked on the last partner. And maybe it even used to work on your current one when you first got together. But now you are getting rejected more than you are accepted. Maybe your own sex drive has gone down as a result.
As you become more and more careful, the worse it can become. The joy around sex may have been replaced with a negative tension, as if you are walking on eggshells. The good news is that your strike-out record may have more to do with your style of initiation you are using than any rejection of you as a person.
You may have tried different ways to approach your partner. ‘More romance,’ ‘dressing sexy,’ ‘hinting,’ ‘scheduling’ or even ‘demanding it,’ but nothing seems to work.
We studied 500 mostly women and found that these initiation strategies may not work simply because they are too general. The results showed an extreme amount of variation in how people get turned on. Over 50 categories were found. But luckily we also found a pattern with most initiation strategies falling into 5 styles of initiation (Do the test to get more info about your style(s) of sexual initiation).
Sexual Initiation Tips
For many couples sexual initiation can be a delicate matter, making or breaking the sexual mood and determining whether you will have sex with your partner or not. Here are some take-away sexual initiation tips to find the best initiation style to use with your partner.
Stay away from Stereotypes!
Just because you see techniques used on TV or because you read that all women like _________________, or all men like ______________, it doesn’t mean your sweetie falls into these generalized groups. In reality we are all so different in what we eroticize that we cannot be lumped into the broad categories of gender, race, age, or any other stereotype. Be open to the wonderful uniqueness of your partner.
The best way to find out what your partner likes is to simply ask them. A few things to consider in this question are: Do they like to see it coming (slow and gradual), or do they like to be surprised? Is the mood soft and loving or urgent and intense? Are there any particular behaviors they like (or don’t like)? Do they like being overt and verbal or more subtle with non-verbal gestures?
Be a sexual detective.
Some people find it hard to answer a direct question about sex. It can feel embarrassing and they may need a chance to think it through. In that case, think back to all of the strategies you have used in the past. Were there any moves that made her recoil, or his eyes shoot up in interest? Is there one that worked better than others? Don’t just choose the things you like or feel comfortable with. You may know your partner very well, but when it comes to sex many heterosexuals tend to lump their partners into gender roles. We are all more different than we know. Find out!
Send them the SISA Scale!
A ten minute test is fun to fill out and will give you an automated response of which of the seven sexual styles you are. Both do it and talk about the results.
More about sexual initiation
- 5 Styles of sexual initiation: Do you know your style? Get your Initiation Style immediately.
- Initiating sex the right way for your partner. Read one account how kissing was NOT working for one couple, and how they found the best way to initiate sex.
- How women and men want their partner to initiate sex. Read the list of most popular ways people prefer to initiate sex.