1. Sex is too infrequent
How often is by far the most common reason couples argue about sex. Whether there is a desire for more or for less, this issue usually comes along with blaming your partner for the difference in desire. Most people have an idea of what they consider is the “normal” or “acceptable” amount of sex they feel is right. There is no problem unless partners differ in their ‘ideal’ amount. For example, two asexuals will not fight over a sexual frequency of once per year. Yet sex that is that infrequent may be considered unthinkable to someone who has an ideal of three times per week. In other words, there is no correct answer to what frequency of sex is right for a couple. There is no “normal,” only what works for the couple.
Dropping blame is the first step to solving a frequency issue. Once that is done, the options open up. And sometimes the best option is to focus more on the quality of sex rather than the quantity.
2. Sex is boring. He/she won’t try new things. He/she only wants sex one way.
This is usually couched as “it is his/her fault, he/she is not doing what I like.”
3. My partner ignores my instruction. “You are not hearing me!”
4. You are being selfish.
5. I feel pressured to have more/different sex.
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