How to have great sex in long-term relationships?
One of the most important components of “great sex” is going with the moment and being open to different ways of doing sex: Erotic Flexibility.
Being flexible in your erotic life can be an important key to sexual satisfaction. But changing old and stable patterns to get sexual pleasure can be tricky.
The solution is retraining. Establishing new patterns, and practice.
Try it by yourself first or ask your partner to be a co-investigator to find new forms of pleasuring.
Tips to enhance erotic flexibility:
1. Don’t make sex a chore.
You learned your first method through trial and error, but it was always motivated by pleasure. Bring that ‘beginner’s mind’ into your erotic flexibility practice. Think of other methods that have appealed to you in the past or buy a new toy that you have always wanted to try.
2. Do not expect to feel exactly the same sensations as you always do.
Remember you are looking for new ways of feeling pleasure, not new ways of repeating old patterns. Look for the subtlety of sensation.
For example, you may LOVE the feeling of clitoral stimulation/orgasm (strong and intensely focused ) but have not yet experienced the joys of G-spot stimulation or the subtler and deeper sensations of the cervix. Compare clitoral and vaginal sensations, see how they feel different
3. Get familiar with other possible methods.
By reading books like Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women, you can get a sense of the many different methods available to you.
4. Repeat what feels goooood.
You might not reach orgasm with your new method the first few times. Have patience. You will need repetition to retrain the brain-body in making room for a new pattern.
5. Get guidance.
If you are confused by the ways you can get pleasure, are not reaching orgasm or are not reaching orgasm with a partner, talk to a trusted friend or a sex therapist who can help you tap into your sexual potential. More about therapy on how to reach orgasm with a partner.
Switch it up! Practice, practice, practice. And remember: Focusing on pleasure is the goal.
It may be wise to consult a sex therapist when:
- An issue or negative pattern is so close to you that you are unable to separate it from the rest of your life.
- You are trying hard to make a change, but don’t seem to be getting anywhere.
- You know that something is wrong, but you can’t put your finger on exactly what it is.
- You know you want to make a change, but you don’t know where to start.
- You are uncovering thoughts or memories that make you uncomfortable.
- You are conflicted by a situation, and can’t seem to see which direction to take.
- You are uncomfortable doing or fantasizing about certain erotic things.
Email Dr. Zebroff to find out if therapy is right for you info@isu.wjc.mybluehost.me
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