How to Start Finding Your Sexual Triggers
Sexual fantasy gives us all a peak into our own sexual personality. The one that was born in early adolescence and that is as unique to you as your own personality. Fantasy can – let you in on the secret of what titillates you or what one little thought will bring you over the edge to orgasm – your sexual triggers.
Knowing this about yourself is more valuable than taking any pill or seeing any sex therapist. It will open up the world of your own individual sexual personality.
If you know your triggers you can use them when you masturbate or in partner play to heighten your arousal or bring you over the crest to orgasm.
WHERE TO START
Take the time let your mind wander in a luxurious fantasy before you doze off at night. But don’t stop at the sex. Luxuriate in the details. And let you mind go to ‘dirty’, non-consensual or even against the laws of nature.
Make sure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted space and time. Fantasy can be impossible with distraction. A great time is right before you fall asleep at night or when you wake up in the morning. Just make sure you are not too tired or you will just fall asleep. Go to bed an hour early. Sunday mornings are perfect.
1. Do it alone.
First rule about sexual fantasy is to be private about it. Develop your fantasies in your mind first before you share them. Test your comfort levels.
2. Difficult fantasies.
Some fantasies are no doubt going to trigger the pause button in your head as your figure out how your beliefs and buttons are pushed. Think about what you experienced in your minds eye, know that “just because you get aroused by thinking about something does not mean you want to do it”.
3. Don’t censor yourself.
The most common mistake women make when they start to fantasize is to change the fantasy to make it more “socially acceptable”. Don’t do that. Let your mind go free into all the socially unacceptable areas it wants to. Remind yourself this is not real. It is hurting no one. You don’t necessarily want to do it in real life. Treat it like an experiment. You can always stop if it gets really uncomfortable.
4. Read other women’s fantasies to get you started.
5. Make mental notes.
You are out at a movie with a friend and one third of the way through you suddenly discover you find yourself aroused. Make a mental note about what you are seeing, hearing, etc. Bring that back into your alone time and play with it in your mind. Recreate it. Work with aspects that turn you off/on.
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