How Sexual Contracts Can Create Great Sex
Would you sign?
Ever since 50 Shades of Grey hit bookstores women have been asking me questions about sexual contracts. Are they real? How do they work? After all, when you think about it 50 Shades of Grey is a 500+ page contract negotiation.
“The Contract” is a proposal by a wealthy, gorgeous millionaire, Christian Grey, who is offering financial support, unlimited clothing budget and ultimate sexual pleasure to Ana, a new journalism graduate, self-proclaimed clutz and sexually naïve woman.
In exchange, Christian is asking Ana to be his submissive for two days of every week. Submissiveness in this context means Ana would cater to Christian’s every whim without question. If she doesn’t obey, he would have the right to ‘punish’ her with any method he chooses. This sounds despicable to Ana until she learns that the punishment cannot include “emotional, physical or spiritual harm,” and there are mutually agreed-upon “safe words” that can slow down or stop any activity at any time. She will be able to negotiate a whole list of sexual activities or punishments, deciding beforehand which acts she would consider trying and those she would never do.
As you read this novel you cannot help but wonder what your own answers might be. Would I have oral sex or do anal fisting? To some, the answers are an easy — “absolutely” or “no way!” Other choices may not be so clear. Just like the sexually naïve Ana, we are intrigued to discover our own answers.
Some might think this contract is about sex, to others it is about power, to still others it is about free clothes, and even for a few folks it smacks of misogyny.
* I encourage all those worried about gender inequality to read a similar contract from Sacher-Masoch’s novel, Venus in Furs (the route of the word masochism). This tale from 1870 highlights how power contracts are not gender specific. A wealthy baroness negotiates a similar contract with a potentially submissive man, or slave. This contract gives her even more control than Christian Grey dreams of asking of Ana, even adding a suicide note pre-signed by her slave, so she can control his life entirely, even killing him without legal consequence.
In direct contrast, Ana from 50 Shades of Grey realizes early on that no legal body would uphold this contract in court. Without legal meaning the contract becomes only a titillating discussion between a man and woman about what they will do or not do in their mutually consenting relationship.
This type of contract can create a safe and fun playground for couples to negotiate great sex. It does not need to contain the bondage and discipline (bdsm) of the Grey contract. Instead, sexual contracts can be whatever you want them to be, opening up a whole world of sexual exploration and discussion between lovers in the process.
What can a sexual contract do for your sex life?
50 Shades of Grey has opened up a world of sexual negotiation for couples.
Get Your Own Contract Download and fill it in with your partner.