While we all may appreciate different ways to start sex, most of us get turned on by a 1 or 2 styles more than others.  Knowing your partner’s preferred style is a sure-fire way to get to more sexual satisfaction.  Here are some tips to understand and turn-on the different styles.

1.Tips to turn-on the Make-out Style:

This style is reminiscent of a teenage couch make out session, with bouts of necking and fondling (mostly above the waist) and working down to over the clothes rubbing and dry-humping.

  • Focus on the neck and ears to start.
  • Approach them from behind (playful grab or sensual hug)
  • Use all varieties of kissing (from deep to gentle).
  • Show them signs that you are aroused by them.
  • Start over the clothes, at the top of the body and work down (eventually rubbing and dry-humping).

2. Tips to turn-on the Passion Style:

This style is about urgency and what we call “passion.” One of the easiest ways to access this urgency is with a passionate kiss.

  • Kiss them passionately (deeply and with desire).
  • Appreciate your lovers ‘sexiness’ in whatever they are wearing or not wearing.
  • Buy them sexy lingerie.
  • Undress them.
  • Be lighthearted and playful.
  • Firmly, but gently push them against a wall (or bed).  Let them feel your urgency.

Turn-offs for Passionate Style: Hesitation is erotic death for this style. Do everything with urgency and confidence (even if you have to fake it for the role).

3. Tips to turn-on the Sapio-Dynamic Style:

One of the main ways to connect with this type is through a sexy intellectual connection or teasing. Eye-contact can be a helpful way to let them know you “get” each other.

Quick tips to turn-on the Sapio-dynamic style:

  • Start sex earlier in the day. Send a seductive text or make a comment in the morning.
  • Engage their brain. Have a talk about something that lights them up (even something non-sexual).
  • Appreciate how sexy they are or tell them how much you want them.
  • Prepare to build up to sex with references to it.
  • Make meaningful eye-contact with them.
  • Be direct with this style. They want to see sex coming and prepare for it intellectually.
  • Allow them to feel anticipation, the concept that they have to wait makes them light up.

Turn-offs for the Sapio-Dynamic Style: Just don’t be passive with this type or forget to engage their brain. That is a sure-fire way to get them to be ho-hum about your advances.

4. Tips to turn-on the Sensualist Style:

This style is all about “touch” — sensual touches, caressing touch, passionate touches and yes, genital touches. If you want to reach this style, you have to touch them. There is no particular type of touch, that all types of touch will get this type going — rubbing against them, stroking and caressing. They love the soft whispery caresses on the non-sexual parts as well as the deep sensual touch that comes with massage, as well as the rubbing of the genitals.

Move up to more sexual touch, like rubbing their genitals, but not too quickly.

Quick Turn-on Tips:

  • Touch them, start with a caress.
  • Kiss your sensualist, with the focus on two lips touching and exploring each other.
  • Focus on their back or butt.
  • Move gradually to sexual touch.
  • Give them a massage (using all sorts of types of touch).

Turn-offs:  One sure-fire way to turn-off this type is to be too rough or aggressive too quickly.

5. Tips to turn-on the Love-Connection Style:

The Love-connection style likes the sweet gestures and connecting conversation we often find in the beginning of relationships. Their sexual parts come alive with declarations of love and affection.

Put away your phone and put your attention 100% on the love-connection style. Knowing they are at the center of their lover’s attention helps them to get into a lusty mood.

Don’t forget to wrap your arms around this type with lots of hugs and affection too. Affection is the physical form of love and that will help connect the two.

If you are uncertain at how to begin, the first act for the Love-connection style is a hug or a sweet (non-sexual) gesture. While that might not seem to be terribly sexual to the other types, this is a perfect beginning point for the love-connection style.

  • A non-sexual, caring action (do a task they have asked of you in the past)
  • A declaration of love or affection.
  • A romantic gesture (think traditional Valentine’s Day gestures).
  • Focused attention on them (such as holding their face in your hands and intently listening or telling them something).
  • An unsolicited hug or caress

6. Tips to turn-on the Verbal Style:

Seduction and teasing with dirty talk throughout the day is one way this type knows how much you desire them and what you want to do to them.

  • Talk dirty to them.
  • Tell them how much you desire them or find them sexy.
  • Be direct – don’t beat around the bush with them. Say it how it is.
  • Use words to tease or seduce them.
  • Turn your words in to action with affection.
  • Avoid springing sex on them without words.

7. Tips to turn-on the Power Initiation Style:

The Power style enjoys focused attention on them. Putting down your phone and focusing all your attention on your lover will let them know you mean erotic business and they will respond in kind.

The last thing this style wants is to do is be asked what they want in the heat of the moment. Their sexual energy is about “being told” not “asked.”

Know your partner’s power style. Are they the aggressor or the aggress-ee?

  • Negotiate boundaries — before you initiate. If you want to play with power, you need to do it in a way that feels good (is consensual) to both people. Determine before what is a turn-on and what is not (or off the table). Once these are in place both people can feel more free to let go into their chosen role.
    • Never cross a boundary.
    • Use safe words.
  • Grab them with confidence.
  • Focus all your attention on their cues.
  • Have fun with the more powerful role. They will revel in that energy and confidence.
  • Use the appearance of confidence (even if you have to fake it) in your style.