Delayed ejaculation is a silent killer of many men’s (and couple’s) sex lives.  And it is getting worse.  Delayed Ejaculation Treatment

Younger men especially complain of this problem (see causes of delayed ejaculation). Because there are many different causes for delayed ejaculation, there is no one delayed ejaculation treatment.

Before we look at the treatments of delayed ejaculation, we need to understand some of the commonalities shared by the men who experience it.

Most men who are experiencing delayed ejaculation:

  • … are trying ‘too hard’.  Trying too hard to please their partner, to have an orgasm, to be the perfect lover.
  • … care too much about their partner’s needs and wishes to the exclusion of their own. Asserting their own needs can be difficult for them.
  • … masturbate in one way and one way only, not easily reproducible with a real life partner.
  • … struggle with issues of control. Having an orgasm in the presence of another requires you become vulnerable to your partner, if just for a few moments. This abandon can be difficult for those who need to control.

 

Tips on where to start with Delayed Ejaculation Treatment:

  1. Ask for what you need:
    Sex therapists ask men with DE to be a little selfish.  Knowing what you like and how to ask for it may be the key to your orgasm.  It is important to be able to ask your partner for the stimulation you need to increase your arousal in a loving and respectful way.
  1. Relinquishing control using desensitization:
    Give yourself some time to get used to having an orgasm with a partner present.  Start slowly by bringing yourself to orgasm in an environment where you feel comfortable — without a partner present.  Gradually move to situations that involve your partner in the same room, but not touching you. Once you feel comfortable with that, move to touching or being touched, increasing stimulation and eventually including intercourse.
  1. Self-monitor arousal:
    Many men become so focused on pleasing their partner or other distractions that they lose touch with their own arousal.  They think that because they have an erection that they are sufficiently aroused to be able to reach orgasm.  That assumption is not necessarily true and can make the problem worse.

Pay attention to your arousal. Identify when your arousal is starting to decrease, and use sexual triggers (see below) or position shifts to maintain high arousal.

  1. Lose the myths and destructive attitudes:
    Beware of the common myths related to delayed ejaculation:

    1. Myth: You must have an orgasm to have a successful sexual experience. Fact: Taking the pressure off orgasm allows you to relax into the experience and feel pleasure.
    2. Myth: You must come for your partner and not for yourself. Fact: You cannot come if you are not sufficiently aroused. Period.
    1. Myth: The longer you can have intercourse, the better it is for her.Fact:  While she might like extended sexual episodes, she might be getting bored or sore.  Work together.
  1. Know and use your sexual triggers.
    Rely on your sexual triggers (usually thoughts of a favorite fantasy, memory or act) that arouse you. Find something that is so hot that you can’t help but orgasm.
  1. Change your masturbation habits.
    Practice masturbating with your other hand.  This enhances awareness of the precise type of stimulation that feels most arousing to you.  It might also help you explain to your partner exactly which motions, tempo and pressure you need to orgasm.  Loosen your grip. Vaginas are not fists.
  1. Look for different medications.
    If you are taking SSRIs you may be experiencing problems with delayed orgasm.  Ask your doctor for an antidepressant with fewer sexual side-effects, such as Welbutrin.
  1. Monitor your sexually explicit material use.
    Don’t rely on any one thing to give you your sexual satisfaction. Put your favorite sexy images aside every few times you masturbate, and use your favorite fantasy or try a sex toy to bring you to orgasm. The more ways your brain learns to release you into orgasm, the more likely you will be able to come with a partner.
  1. Become an erotic team (with your lover).
    Do not divide your pleasure into ‘yours’ versus ‘hers’.  Instead, team up to discover the best way both of you can have pleasure.

Read about what the partner thinks when he can’t come