Sexual desire may already be in you — finding your cues to sexual desire.

Cues of sexual desire
The solution to the “problem” of low sexual desire has become something external, something to be acquired or bought, like in the form of the new desire pill, Addy.

But sexual desire may already be in the person, waiting to be discovered.  And it may be as straightforward as paying attention to the cues to desire.

Let’s dissect sexual desire a little bit.  Sexual desire is made up of many elements.  One of the first levels is arousal (the body’s preparation for sexual activity).  The nice thing about arousal is that it is automatic, so much so that we often don’t have to think about it. It just happens when we encounter a sexual stimulus (touch, sight, etc). It happens so automatically, many times it can happen at odd or inconvenient times.  Men’s arousal (erection) tends to be much more obvious and hard to ignore than women’s.

Working with what you’ve already got

Since arousal is such an automatic process, the answer to increasing desire may be to tap into our awareness of this automatic arousal.  Attending to the cues of arousal may be the key.

For women who feel sexual desire easily, cues to sexual desire may seem obvious — wetness, pelvic heat, body tingling, yearning for touch or kissing etc.  But to women who don’t feel desire as easily, these cues can be a mystery, often ignored or overridden by the more pressing issues of the day.

The reality is that sexual desire may already be in you, even if you are not aware of it.  Becoming aware of your cues of desire can be key to feeling it more strongly.

Cues of Desire: What to look for

Top Cues for Women:

Watch out for the most popular physical or body cues to desire:

  • Tingling or throbbing in clitoris/vulva
  • Awareness of moistness/wetness
  • Yearning to be filled (vaginally)
  • Warmth or heat in vulva/clitoris
  • Faster shallow breathing
  • Faster heart rate
  • Tension in my pelvis
  • Feeling flushed

But cues are not only physical.  There are all sorts of ways to identify your desire. Some folks are more sensitive to the non-physical cues such as motivational cues or “feelings” cues.

Other types of popular motivational cues:

  • Yearning to be touched
  • Being drawn to act on a sexual thought or act
  • Being drawn to kiss someone
  • Yearning to hold
  • Yearning to be held
  • Being drawn to act on a sexual thought or act
  • Being drawn to touch someone
  • Being drawn to kiss someone
  • Being drawn to put body next to someone
  • Yearning to be touched
  • Yearning to do a particular sexual act
  • Yearning to merge
  • Yearning to let go

more on motivation cues to sexual desire — yearnings.

You can also find “feeling” or emotional cues. 

Here is a list of popular “feeling” cues:

  • Feeling powerful
  • Awareness of attractiveness
  • Feeling weight of another

More on “feeling” cues to sexual desire


Find out what kind of cues you rely on most and which could use some help.  Cues of Desire Test